Monday, February 18, 2008

Revenge is Relative

This is the card I'm mailing a relative for his birthday. Not that I really want to, but I decided to go ahead, but to send him a card that is really nothing special.

Okay, I'll explain. Especially since my version of 'really nothing special' ends up being a perfectly good card. {Eye rolling myself...}

I know I wrote about this somewhere once before, but I'm not sure if it was here on my blog, so if this is old info, my apologies.

Hubs' relative is my age and 4 years younger than Hubs. He's irritatingly material and status-conscious. He has owned his own company but had to work twice as hard to get back to a secure income when it went bust, so this has made him even more defensive and sensitive. I do love him, but he makes it really hard sometimes.

Over the years he has let his cruel and callous side slip out despite himself on more than one occasion, usually because he gets carried away with himself trying to one-up people with his opinions, remarks, possessions, etc. I seriously wish I was exagerating, but I'm not.

Anyway, last Thanksgiving, I was minding my beeswax at the kitchen sink, helping to clean up after dinner, when one of (we'll call him) Bill's "my whatever's bigger than your whatever" competitions began. This time it was over the price of margaritas at Happy Hour, and every one sided against him. His opinion was that margaritas should not be discounted at Happy Hour because a really good margarita cannot be made that cheaply.

Yup, he is looking at it through his tunnel-vision as a numbers cruncher and a drink conneusseur, when the rest of the world was concerned with their wallets and good times. This of course made him a loser in this argument, so he began to get nasty in his competitive drive to find some point to win. I was watching this unfold from afar, enjoying watching his daughters enjoy getting their dad's goat (they know him well).

Well, before anyone could blink, he'd decided he was ticked off at his oldest daughter and attacked her habit of buying expensive greeting cards and charging them to his credit card. His daughter then counter-attacked by arguing that most of the cards she bought were $3.99 and not high at all. So, the topic of debate became, would you pay $3.99 for a greeting card?

He proceeded to question each person in the room. Taking a poll, I guess. Now mind you, I was not in this, I was in the next room and even had my back turned and was facing the sink. I was listening but pretending not to. Hub's youngest sister was standing next to me, drying the dishes I was washing.

Hub's is his usual unwitting first sparring partner, but at the time Hubs was walking his Dad around the block outside. So, Bil was unfettered. The other men were both gone and there was no one left he feared to tell him to knock it off. Suddenly, he swooped down on me and asked me in a condescending bellow (like, ready to scoff at me if I said yes), "What about you, would you pay $3.99 for a frickin birthday card?"

I did not want to get into this, so I faked ignorance, like I had no idea what was going on. But after he walked on to the next victim, I muttered under my breath, my voice dripping with sarcasm, "I make my cards, so I don't spend anything."

Hub's sister heard me and let out a tattle-tail "ummmmm", and told Bil that he'd gone and done it now, because I make everyone cards for birthdays and anniversaries, etc. And Bil's reaction was, "Oh, I didn't mean your cards."

Right. Like hell.

Well, I laughed it off and continued my dishwashing, but I made a mental note right then and there to never make him another card again as long as I lived. Which of course was not going to happen, but it made me feel better. Plus, when everyone was avoiding helping Hub's parents out a while back, Bill made a snarky remark to Hubs about why didn't I just pick up everyone's slack instead of taking time to make cards.

Grrrrrrrrr. Think card-making instead of bon-bons here, and you see why it's just not right to let this pass.

So, anyway, this card I made him is a small A2 sized one (I've said before that family gets the half sheet sized cards), and the inside sentiment says, "The cakes are paper, That much is true, But just think how healthy They are for you: Zero Calories and High in Fiber! Happy Birthday". I used my flimsy white cardstock for the base and really wished I had one of those stamps for the back of the card that has a barcode and underneath it "priceless". Remind me to order one of those... I chose my stamp of a frog that says "Toadily Handmade" because I was hoping that he'd croak. (hehe - just kidding)

And then this weekend I decided to drag my feet and wait until the day before his birthday (which is tomorrow) to mail the card. Which means I planned to mail it today. That way, it may or may not get there on his big day. When I woke up this morning and realized that today is a postal holiday, I swear I giggled a little. Oh well...

Oops, my bad. But really, if my card is worthless, then he won't mind not getting it in time, right? I won't mind, either.

I guess that Hell Hath No Fury Like a Card-Maker Scorned, and the next card he gets is going to have a margarita on it...a $1.00 margarita! LOLOL


Lida said...

Good for you! I have some family members like that and it is hard to be around them but sometiems you have to. Enjoy your holiday!!

Sarah C. said...

LOL Love the story, Aimeslee! He's the one missing out. What a sour puss. Life's much more fun when you relax and enjoy the simple things. :)

Noelia said...

You're too funny Aimes! I'm sure he'll love the card but pretend he didn't lol!

:: gingerkitty :: said...

i would love to see you embrace positive for its own reward. truly that would be a miracle in your life.

Lynn said...

I think everyone has a member of the family like that! Mine is my bil also. A big blow hard. Oh well.

I have to say I just LOVE the card. The minute I saw it I was like "what a great card".
Don't let them get to you. That's what they want. I just ignore them all now. I'm much happier that way.

Linda said...

You crack me up girl! We have a family member like that but we don't see him that often. Makes it easier to get throught the times when we do.