Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Mother May I?

Happy Cinco de Mayo, everyone. May is steamrolling through my life at about the same speed as the rest of this year - superfast. Mother's Day is this Sunday and then before I blink good it'll be Memorial Day.

It's also heated up even more down here on the Third Coast since my last entry. Slowly, surely, noticeably. One good thing that has come from it is that I have renewed my efforts to lose some more weight. About dang time, huh?

I should say, if I just make sure every day that I eat and drink everything I am supposed to, it's pretty much a weight loss program. Some days it's a real struggle just to drink the metamucil, the green tea (cuz I gotta have my coffee, too!), the water, the V8... eat the salad, the cheese, the fruit, and the Lean Cuisines or dinner-in-a-bag entree... and not the fast food.

I've been hanging in there, though, and been good for a few days now. Hopefully this will continue.

I want to make clear that I am not at all motivated to do this in order to wear a bathing suit. Lord, no, I can wear my bathing suit in my own pool in my own backyard just fine the way I am. I'm motivated to do this now because warmer weather makes me less hungry overall, and I sweat more. If you had my body, you would know that my fat folds get positively psychotic about sweat.

Ok, ok, I get that way. One summer a few years back, I ignored my fat folds and developed a bad skin infection. Not fun. I believe that's when I discovered Gold Bond medicated skin lotion and I use it religiously to this day, year round. If you are reading this and not in menopause yet, just suffice it to say that after menopause your skin crawls, itches, burns...for no reason at all. It's like your nerve endings are freaking out. Gold Bond helps immensely.

So, anyway, I'm thinking that the more weight I can lose, the better my fat folds will get. A girlfriend of mine scoffs at the idea, though. She has fat folds too, and she says that fat folds are better than skin folds, meaning when you lose the fat in your folds, you are left with skin folds and they droop more.

Great, just great. Deep down I refuse to believe that my skin has lost all of its elasticity, that if I lose the fat in my folds I won't also lose the folds. Say it ain't so, Joe.

I will say one thing, I'm losing those folds one way or another, even if I have to go under the knife. I'm thinking a full frontal slice-off would do just the trick, and take the boobs off, too.

Such is the madness that May brings.... ;-)


City.Girl.Em said...

I have some fat folds, too, namely the one in front, my 'apron'. What I do is I use baby powder with cornstarch to keep sweat free, or at least dry from sweat. Sounds gross, I know, but it's a fact of life.

I'm adding your blog to my favorites so I can be a regular visitor. That, I believe is why I've been neglectful.

Jess said...

Good for you for continuing your resolve. I could use some of that oomph. :) Happy Cinco De Mayo!

csimmers said...

You make me laugh. And that's exactly what I needed to start the day.

Linda said...

You are too funny! I'm waiting for my kids to come in here and find out why I am laughing like a nut. Has the rain stopped for you yet? We are on day 4 of rain and overcast and I can't stand it anymore.

Beatrice said...

I enjoy reading your blog and relate to your political values---you are probably one of few who is willing to speak out in this Obama-crazed world-- Yaaaa!

Theresa said...

LOL over the fat folds! Glad to see you trying to lose weight though. It's good for all of you, not just the fat folds. Try drinking a full glass of water before meals. You'll fill up faster. Also DON'T skip meals, eat something at least three times a day. Your body will store fat faster if you skip.

Happy Mother's Day!

cookievf said...

Hey girlfriend!!

LMAO "full frontal slice!" No one has the gift-o-gab, like you do... I swear!

Have completely enjoyed mydself reading your last couple rantings and i just love ya more than ever!

Think I'm gonna go take the moral Foundation Questionnaire! TFS

- xo